If someone had told me eighteen months ago that in one years' time I would feel and look so much older than I really am, I would have told them they were crazy.
But it can happen.
When you spend day after day and month after month in hospitals, physical therapy facilities and then finally an assisted living group home, you start to feel, think and act like your loved one. Your thoughts are on treatment, medication, diets, unclear thoughts and what they could possibly mean. You watch every sign like it's going to give you a clue of what is going on inside the body and mind. No one can answer the dozens of questions that are running through your own mind. The standard answer is "she's doing well for her age".
Soon your energy is gone just like hers. Your legs and knees hurt just like hers. You don't want to eat just like her. Your thoughts get confused, not knowing if your decisions are the right ones. She feels the same way. Soon she won't get out of bed or even move her body while in bed. There are some days you feel the same way. Your skin gets dry, you sleep more, you take more Tylenol for your knees, you lose track of your friends because you are taking care of two households now. You don't have the energy for the many activities you loved to do before. When you talk about, see and interact with illness every day some of it is going to rub off on you.
Now, that I'm fully aware of how this has affected me, I'm taking a stand. I'm going to disrupt this advanced aging and get back some of my lost youth. I'm going to start by stop questioning everything and give more room to breathing.
Side Note: Care Givers are special people. Without them our loved ones would be lost. My loved one has an angel for a care giver and I don't know what we would do without her. Thank you E.
